Linnocent claims she tested positive for alcohol because of kombucha tea

Posted on June 24, 2011 by Kaiser

It was the story of the day yesterday - Linnocent tested positive for alcohol during a screening done by the LA Probation Dept, then she was called in for a hearing with the judge, and then she was let go, without jail or even a slap on the wrists, merely with a warning to not throw any more “house arrest parties”. The excuse for this miscarriage of justice was that Linnocent’s previous judge had ordered drug tests, but not alcohol screenings, so the Probation Dept. didn’t have any “right” to test her for alcohol in her system. Nevermind that the day before, Linnocent had done an interview with Life & Style claiming that “alcohol… is just not part of my life.” I guess she forgot to add “LMAO, JK! And SCENE!” So… basically, the California legal system says that a drunken cokehead who hijacked a car while high, thumbed her crack nose at the legal system for years, crack heisted everything that wasn’t nailed down, and beat the hell out of her rehab sponsor… is free to be a boozehound again.

So what is Linnocent’s excuse, now that she’s learned her very important crack shenanigan lesson? (The lesson: “Linnocent can do whatever she wants, because people have given up on trying to punish her.”) Linnocent has gone back to an old-standby, because her crack brain is too frazzled from years of drug and alcohol abuse to think of a new excuse:

Lindsay Lohan is adamant she did NOT drink wine, beer or liquor during her stint on house arrest … insisting her dirty test was caused by a fermented tea that contains a TEEEENY amount of alcohol.

Lohan has been telling friends she’s been drinking her favorite kombucha tea again … the same tea that caused her probation officer to raise a red flag earlier this year because it contains alcohol. The company behind the drink claims the alcohol content is less than .05%.

Of course, the judge ruled that Lindsay is ALLOWED to consume alcohol during her house arrest sentence … so the dirty test didn’t matter anyway.

TMZ spoke with Lindsay about the situation … and she told us, “I am responsible, and I’m following the rules and obeying my judge and the Los Angeles judicial system.”

She adds, “I’d like to do what I must to get my film career back and the respect of directors, actors, writers, studio heads, fans and so on.”

[From TMZ]

“…and so on.” I’d like to punch her in her crack face… and so on. I’d like to live to see her thrown in jail with other crackhead sociopaths… and so on. I’d like to read an interview with Linnocent JUST ONE without having to roll my eyes at the delusional crack lies she’s trying to sell… and so on.

P