Chris Brown's New Single: Love it or Shove it?

Just two days after Rihanna's new single dropped chronic one-upper, her former boyfriend and beater Chris Brown has released a new song of his very own.

The track is, if nothing else, a moving and passionate effort.

One need not dig deeply for metaphors and double entendres to find likely Rihanna references in Brown's "Crawl," a slow jam laden with sorrow and hope.

"Everybody says we're through / I hope you haven't said it too," Brown sings in the new track. "So where do we go from here with all this fear in our eyes?"

How about the side of I-95. Just kidding. Sort of. Anyway.

Take a listen and tell us what you think by voting below:

Chris Brown: Crawl (New Single)

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Chris Brown's New Single: Love it or Shove it?

Just two days after Rihanna's new single dropped chronic one-upper, her former boyfriend and beater Chris Brown has released a new song of his very own.

The track is, if nothing else, a moving and passionate effort.

One need not dig deeply for metaphors and double entendres to find likely Rihanna references in Brown's "Crawl," a slow jam laden with sorrow and hope.

"Everybody says we're through / I hope you haven't said it too," Brown sings in the new track. "So where do we go from here with all this fear in our eyes?"

How about the side of I-95. Just kidding. Sort of. Anyway.

Take a listen and tell us what you think by voting below:

Chris Brown: Crawl (New Single)

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Police, Celebrity Gossip Photographers Talk Dennis Quaid Out of DUI

Dennis Quaid was thisclose to being popped for DUI last night.

At Philippe restaurant in West Hollywood early this morning. Quaid, his wife Kimberly and a friend walked outside where valet had already brought their car.

The motor was running, they got in and Quaid got behind the wheel.

He turned the wheel a matter of inches but had not yet shifted it into drive when a local policeman pulled up alongside and urged the actor to call a cab.

Dennis responded that he didn't want to drive. The cop repeatedly said, "Get out of the car." Quaid responded, "What do you want me to do?!" He then grew some brain cells and asked if they could go back in the restaurant and the cop said yes.

Dennis Quaid and wife Kimberly lucked out last night.

The Quaids did end up taking a cab home and he came back for the car a short while ago. Interestingly, he could have been arrested from a legal standpoint.

The car was on and he was behind the wheel, but the police officer used his discretion and decided not to pursue it. Maybe he should thank the paparazzi.

Members of the celebrity gossip media mobbing the scene joked with Quaid, saying "You don't want a DUI. You don't want to end up like Mel Gibson!"

Hard to argue with that.

Good to see Dennis make the right choice in the end ... even if it caused a scene and took more than a little cajoling. All's well that ends well, right?

Besides, even if he had been arrested and tossed in the drunk tank overnight, Randi and Evi Quaid would still be the black sheep of the family.

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Jillian Harris Hates Panties, Loves Jason & Molly

The Bachelorette star Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski, her embattled fiance, were spotted picking up unmentionables at the new Victoria’s Secret store in Chicago.

The reason? “I’m a little down on my lingerie collection,” she said.

Not that Ed minds. Asked what he thinks is the sexiest thing a woman could wear, he responded, “No panties.” Jillian Harris said “no bra” is the sexy way to go.

The couple, who recently moved in together, were also eager to talk about news that Bachelor Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney got engaged in New Zealand.

“We had no idea they got engaged and just talked to them yesterday,” Harris said, adding that they just found out. “They sent us a picture of them together."

"They looked so happy ... I guess I never thought about it, but them being in New Zealand would be the best time to do it. It all makes sense!”

Despite the drama of how they got together, Jillian said she is not surprised that Jason popped the question - or that Molly Malaney accepted.

Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski are going strong!

“They’re so awesome,” she said. “We hung out with them in Vancouver, the four of us, and had so much fun. We want to hang out more in the future.”

As for the choice of Jake Pavelka as the new Bachelor?

Since he was one of her suitors, Jillian said it’s a little weird to see him dating a group of women, but she’s excited for him to make the journey she did.

“We’re obviously so supportive of anyone who’s a part of that whole family,” she said. “But it’s strange. You don’t think of them as exes but it’s sensitive."

"I think everyone that was there was there looking for something different but I think they all genuinely deserved to find somebody special,” she added.

“I think [Jake Pavelka] is going to make an interesting Bachelor,” Jillian said. “He’s definitely got a lot of emotion so I think he’ll be very fun to watch.”

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Ashlee Simpson Evicted From Melrose Place

The CW recently picked up Melrose Place for five additional episodes despite lackluster ratings thus far, a move that surprised more than a few TV critics.

Well, it turns out producers at least have a plan to improve the freshman series, starting with the firing of Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, according to TV Fanatic.

Another cast member, Colin Egglesfield, will also be let go along with Ashlee as of January. The show's murder mystery will be wrapped up in December.

Reports say Melrose Place will also take on a lighter tone, which is probably a smart move when they're not exactly dealing with Emmy-winning actors.

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, left, and Colin Egglesfield have been evicted from Melrose Place. The girl in the middle is sticking around for now. No wonder she's smiling!

New cast members, including the return of original series star Heather Locklear, will begin to be integrated as the series transitions into the new year.

All in all, if the show made these moves to save its a$$, more power to it. The murder plot lacked consistency, and it was taking itself too seriously.

And seriously, it is worth nothing that Ashlee cannot act. At all.

We aren't delighting in anyone getting fired from their job, as it's not her fault that she has absolutely no talent, but from a creative standpoint, it had to be done.

Hey, at least it will give her more time to spend with baby Bronx.

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Jason Mesnick Gets it Right This Time

From the moment he got engaged to Melissa Rycroft on the season finale of The Bachelor, Jason Mesnick knew he and Molly Malaney would be together forever.

That sounds bizarre, but it's actually true.

Following his famous "After the Final Rose" switcheroo in March, Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney have as happy as clams and talking about getting hitched.

He still caught his true love off guard by placing a diamond and platinum ring in a glass of champagne and passing it to her Monday in New Zealand, however.

"Molly was very surprised; she hadn't expected it to happen then, even though we knew it was a matter of time," her dad Mike told The Grand Rapids Press.

"She was real excited. It was a short conversation, and they hadn't made any plans yet. We just found out ourselves, so this is all breaking very rapidly."

Jason Mesnick asked Molly Malaney's parents for their blessing first.

"Jason called us before the proposal," the Michigan native's father said. "He sent Molly out to get her nails done, and he said he wanted to run it by us first."

Despite the controversial Bachelor finale and the unusual courtship the two had, Mike Malaney is all for it: "We've already determined that he’s a good guy."

He says that Molly Malaney, a 25-year-old fashion buyer for Kohl's, moved to Seattle - where Mesnick lives with five-year-old son Ty - "about a month ago."

"They're just enjoying being together," a source says of the cute couple.

They've yet to set a date. But when they do, it will be a joyous one.

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Gilles Marini in Playboy: Clothed, but Hot!

Life isn't fair, ladies, we know.

Marge Simpson is featured in this month's Playboy - and she's naked.

Alina Puscau is also photographed for the issue - without any clothing on.

Meanwhile, French actor Gilles Marini poses for the same magazine, yet is covered in layers of clothing. We do have good news surrounding this stud, however:

He still looks good in the pictorial; and he's often shirtless during his current, extended run on ABC's Brothers & Sisters. Both those facts will have to suffice for now.

Ogle away at Marini below, female readers. Take as long as you like...

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Four Arrested For Burglarazing Lindsay Lohan, Audrina Patridge, Other Celebs

The LAPD has arrested at least four women in connection with the burglaries of Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge, a source close to the case has confirmed.

The crazy part? On top of Lindsay and Audzo, they may also be responsible for hitting the homes of Paris Hilton, Orlando Bloom, Rachel Bilson and other stars.

One of the suspected criminals, Rachel J. Lee, 19, is also under investigation for being involved in the $2 million jewelry heist at Paris Hilton's home in 2008.

She is suspected of being the crew's ringleader of sorts.

An LAPD spokesman had no confirmation of the arrests.

Lindsay absolutely can't believe the news.

TMZ reports that Courtney Ames, 18, and Diana Tamayo, 19, were both arrested today for felony burglary. A fourth woman arrested has not been identified.

Patridge's home was broken into on February 23, and more than $43,000 in jewelry and designer clothes were taken. Lohan's home was robbed August 23 and an estimated $128,000 in jewelry, designer clothes and accessories ganked.

Thursday's crackdown follows the arrest last month of Nicholas Prugo, 18, who has already been formally charged with the Lohan and Patridge burglaries.

All appear to have been inside jobs, or at least showed signs of them. No connection has been made to last weekend's Kourtney Kardashian burglary.

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Brooke Hundley Filed Restraining Order Against Steve Phillips, Confirms Parking Lot Sex

Steve Phillips' ex-lover Brooke Hundley filed a restraining order against him one day after dropping off a sketchy-ass letter to the ESPN analyst's wife at home.

You know, the letter that stated Brooke and Steve should be together, offered sordid details on their sex life and prompted Marni Phillips to frantically call 911.

On August 20, Brooke sought protection from him, claiming that while at a hotel back in July, Steve Phillips "bought me a strong drink and then cornered me."

At that point, the whack job claims, the married father of four was "trying to persuade me to come to his hotel suite to spend the night." She obliged.

The production assistant claims Steve called her hotel room until she agreed to see him, then "continued to text on a regular basis with inappropriate things."

Brooke Hundley and Steve Phillips: A match made in tabloid heaven.

Brooke Hundley (click here for pictures) "tried to get him to stop" but agreed to meet up with the former Mets GM "a few times after work in the parking lot."

Interesting word choice, as in the note Brooke left for Steve's wife the day before, she wrote, "I'm not just some random girl he had sex with in parking lots."

Lastly, she says Steve tried to ruin her career after word got out that they were sleeping together, calling her a "slut" and saying he would get her fired.

Looks like the threats didn't take, as she spilled the beans to his wife anyway. Hundley ultimately withdrew the complaint against Phillips September 15.

That day, she posted the following on Facebook: "I've seen evil and he wears khaki pants and bright blue polos. Out of court, and back to basketball."

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Lindsay Lohan to Ali: Party On, Sister!

Ali Lohan is 15. She's too young to drive, vote, purchase tobacco products and fight in a war.

But, relax, people. Lindsay Lohan says her sister is perfecetly capable of partying late into the night. This is coming from someone who certainly knows what it takes to do that.

"She's tougher than I am," Lindsay told Life & Style. "She has a good head on her shoulders. Maybe it was different for me because I didn't know what to expect and it just happened really fast. I didn't have a big sister."

That's true. Fortunately for Ali, she has a big sister that can teach her exactly how to snort cocaine, vomit from drinking and get behind the wheel of a car when it's wholly illegal and dangerous to try.

Lindsay added that Ali will "go home early" if her sister wants to stay out late.

It's a good thing, too. Ali Lohan is home-schooled. She can't sleep in and miss out on lessons from mother Dina that include: How to Pose for Tabloid Covers and Crotch Shots 101.

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Ian Somerhalder: A Handsome August Man

He isn't exactly making people forget about Robert Pattinson just yet.

But Ian Somerhalder continues to receive rave reviews for his role as Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries.

One part evil, one part sarcastic and all parts hot, Somerhalder's work on The CW hit is a major reason it's been picked up for an entire season.

In an interview with August Man, the actor says Damon is his ideal role. The former model also talks about his transition from modeling to acting, which has clearly gone well.

But don't get Ian wrong: he still knows how to strike a pose. These photos from the magazine are evidence of that:

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Dancing with the Stars Plans Michael Jackson Tribute

This summer, So You Think You Can Dance producer Nigel Lythgoe had this awesome Michael Jackson-dance-tribute episode of the Fox hit planned. He even had Paula Abdul putting it together ... until Team MJ nixed it at the last minute.

Whether it was Sony or the [Jackson] family estate, SYTYCD could not get the music cleared legally, as they must to use it on the show. Which is too bad.

Well, Dancing With the Stars will be putting on its own show dedicated to the late King of Pop. The special Jackson tribute will air this Tuesday, October 20.

All Season 9 DWTS pros - including Mark Ballas, Cheryl Burke, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Tony Dovolani, Chelsie Hightower, Derek Hough, Kym Johnson, Lacey Schwimmer, Jonathan Roberts, Edyta Sliwinska and Karina Smirnoff - are on board.

The late Michael Jackson will be honored on Dancing with the Stars.

That's cool and all, except for the fact that So You Think You Can Dance would have done a better job. DWTS' higher ratings probably persuaded Jackson's reps to green light it, but the late music icon himself would probably disapprove.

If he were alive, he'd be hiring his backup dancers out of the younger, hipper SYTYCD troupe (like winner Jeanine Mason) before the DWTS pros in a second.

DWTS' professionals are talented, but lack the unique, eclectic styles and wow factor that has consistently made SYTYCD one of the most fun shows on TV.

We hope we're proven wrong and Dancing With the Stars knocks it out of the park. But it seems like So You Think You Can Dance and its better production/direction, and more appropriate talent, should have been the pick to honor MJ.

Let's put it this way: Which show's cast would do the best job paying homage to Jackson's "Bad" video, for example? We rest our case.

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Jake Pavelka as The Bachelor: Worst Choice Ever?

After the new star of The Bachelor was revealed last week, ABC received a collective "wow" reaction from fans. Just not the type of "wow" they were looking for.

"OMFG ... JAKE is the new Bachelor?!" This was the collective response here at THG headquarters. And we were far from alone in that exclamation of shock and blah.

But are we writing off Jake Pavelka too quickly?

Perhaps the backlash against the Dallas commercial pilot can be mostly attributed to greater adoration for Reid Rosenthal and/or Kiptyn Locke. Or perhaps not.

Here's a look at some of the pros and cons of Jake Pavelka. Think he'll be worth watching when The Bachelor when the long-running show returns in January?

JAKE SUCKS BECAUSE ...

1. He sold out Wes Hayden. What a d!ck move.
2. He was kinda angling for this the whole time.
3. He's not Reid Rosenthal. What can you do.
4. Jake is boring. That was why Jillian Harris rejected him on The Bachelorette. He seems like Mr. Perfect, yet only superficially. Odd choice for a star, no?

JAKE RULES BECAUSE ...

1. He sold out Wes Hayden. Hey, it made for good TV.
2. He really "believes in the process" for some reason.
3. He's Chris Harrison endorsed. "I haven't spent a ton of time with him yet, but he seems like a good guy," Chris said. "I bet it's a really good season."
4. He's open-minded about the gals' looks. "I'm looking for a heart of gold. Character. Someone that's compassionate and romantic. Passionate."
5. Jake is hot. See pic above. No disputing this one.

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Kirsten Prout: Cast as Lucy in Eclipse

Kirsten Prout is about to grow up.

The 19-year old actress is best known for portraying Amanda Bloom on Kyle XY, but is now set to vamp it up as a key character Eclipse.

A native of Vancouver, Prout will feel right at home during the movie's shoot. She'll portray Lucy, a blood sucker that plays a prominent role in Jasper's backstory; she builds an army with Catalina Sandino Moreno's Maria.

Proust joins recent Eclipse additions, such as Jodelle Ferland, Xavier Samuel and Jack Huston. The movie opens on June 30, 2010.

But it's never too early to get excited for it, is it?

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Marge Simpson Playboy Photos: Revealed!

Whether they somehow ran out of loose, bleach-blonde chicks with fake breasts, Hugh Hefner is really losing it or they just decided to mix things up for some more PR, the Marge Simpson Playboy pictures are causing quite a stir.

Posing seductively with donuts and revealing side boob like Lindsay Lohan during a night of clubbing, Marge isn't holding back. What on earth would Homer say?!

Probably something along the lines of "d'oh-yeah, baby!" Sorry.

We posted the cover a week ago, then brought you excerpts from Marge's "interview" with the men's magazine. Now a few more pics from her nude spread are out.

Creepy or classic? Click to enlarge, then vote in our survey ...

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"Fashion" Face-Off: Demi Moore vs. Pamela Anderson

Generally, when we pit stars against each other in style showdowns, they are looking pretty fab. This time, however, it's a war of fashion faux pas attrition.

Last week, Demi Moore sported a dress that was basically as flattering as a silk potato sack (but probably 50 times more expensive). What the fug, girl!?

It's possible that her Twitter feud with Perez made her forget that potato sacks aren't clothes. Whatever the reason, Demi needs to invest in a new mirror.

Meanwhile, someone forgot to finish Pamela Anderson's hideous pink dress, but that didn't stop her from wearing it out just the same. Looks great (not)!

Maybe $1.2 million in debt makes it hard to afford the whole thing. Either way, ouch, Pam. That thing's uglier than Tommy Lee naked on your sex tape.

Who looked the least terrible? Vote in our survey below?

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"Fashion" Face-Off: Demi Moore vs. Pamela Anderson

Generally, when we pit stars against each other in style showdowns, they are looking pretty fab. This time, however, it's a war of fashion faux pas attrition.

Last week, Demi Moore sported a dress that was basically as flattering as a silk potato sack (but probably 50 times more expensive). What the fug, girl!?

It's possible that her Twitter feud with Perez made her forget that potato sacks aren't clothes. Whatever the reason, Demi needs to invest in a new mirror.

Meanwhile, someone forgot to finish Pamela Anderson's hideous pink dress, but that didn't stop her from wearing it out just the same. Looks great (not)!

Maybe $1.2 million in debt makes it hard to afford the whole thing. Either way, ouch, Pam. That thing's uglier than Tommy Lee naked on your sex tape.

Who looked the least terrible? Vote in our survey below?

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Megan Fox: A (Short) Hairy Situation

There was a new Megan Fox at this year's Spike TV Scream Awards.

First, the actress took a moment to backtrack on any criticism she has directed at Michael Bay and the Transformers franchise. Upon receiving her Best Sci-Fi Actress award, Fox said:

"There have been a lot of false reports concerning how I feel about this movie and I just want to be very clear that I've always felt that I am a very ordinary part of an extraordinary film. These movies took me out of obscurity and they gave me a career and I am completely grateful to everyone involved with this franchise."

The gorgeous actress also rocked a new hairstyle.

We don't love it. Do you?

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Stephanie Pratt Photos: Before the DUI

Sunday morning's Stephanie Pratt DUI arrest took place following a wild and crazy night out at Empire to celebrate the birthday of Holly Montag, sister of Heidi.

Speidi was not on hand, although Stacie the bartender from The Hills apparently was. This was a Z-list party if ever there were one. Here's the three of them:

The Hills extras enjoy a night of fun. A little too much fun.

Click to enlarge more pictures of the drunken revelry below. These were taken earlier in the night, before Stephanie stumbled out of the club and attempted to drive.

Still no mug shot yet. Give it time.

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Kelly Ripa: Returning to All My Children

Don't worry, morning talk show fans: Kelly Ripa won't be leaving Live with Regis and Kelly any time soon.

But the thin beauty and husband Marc Consuelos will make a pair of guest-starring performances on the drama on which they met, All My Children, to help celebrate its 40th anniversary.

Best known now for yapping with Regis Philbin each day, Ripa rose to fame as Hayley Vaughan on the soap opera, starring for over a decade until 2002; Consuelos played Mateo Santos for seven years.

The couple will appear on January 4 and 5, marking the first time back in Pine Valley for either one since they each left in 2002.

Ripa said her talk show will air behind-the-scenes footage of her return to All My Children next month. Regis ought to have many wisecracks to offer about that.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt is Hot, But Hurt

This must be difficult for Jennifer Love Hewitt.

On one hand, rumors that she and boyfriend Jamie Kennedy are close to a break-up have thrust her into the spotlight; on the other hand, she apparently doesn't like people claiming he cheats on her.

"It's really hurtful that people say that," she told People. "Because he is like the most awesome person... He treats me very well."

Late last month, word spread that Kennedy was cheating on JLH with his (and possibly Britney Spears') ex-girlfriend, Shannon Funk. That would be hilarious if true.

Added the Ghost Whisperer star: "We are just trying to be really happy. It makes it hard to do that when everybody is putting negative energy out there."

It must also be really hard to do that when your boyfriend is a huge dork. The geek himself said:

"I am lucky to be with her. And I love her very much."

The first part is definitely true.

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Sheriff: Balloon Boy a Hoax, Charges Imminent

Richard Heene orchestrated the whole Balloon Boy hoax last week and had planned it for some time, according to authorities, who plan to charge him with a crime.

No sentence is long enough.

Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden says the runaway balloon incident sparking a massive rescue effort for Falcon Heene was a "hoax" and a "publicity stunt."

The purpose? To promote a reality show.

Not that he has one. He just wants one.

Alderden says he will file charges against Richard and Mayumi Heene soon, one of which would be contributing to the delinquency of a minor, which is a felony.

The other charges could be conspiracy, false reporting and attempt to influence a law enforcement officer. The most significant charges they're facing could result in a maximum sentence of six years in prison and a $500,000 fine.

Falcon Heene, a.k.a. Balloon Boy, with insane father Richard Heene.

Falcon Heene, who pretty much confirmed the hoax on CNN the night of, and his siblings will probably not face charges, Alderden says, because of their age. Child Protective Services has been notified and will be conducting an investigation.

Authorities say the Balloon Boy hoax was a "planned event for two weeks." A dude who worked for Richard Heene also said yesterday he helped plan the stunt.

If the charges do go forward, they will seek restitution for all the expenses the county incurred. He doesn't believe anyone would do time because of the overcrowding situation in Colorado and because it would be a first offense.

He did not set a time frame for when arrests would be made.

The sheriff even got in a good dig at Richard Heene, who he is no fan of: "His education level is only high school ... he may be nutty, but he's not a professor."

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Trent Reznor and Mariqueen Maandig: Married!

Nine Inch Nails singer Trent Reznor and Mariqueen Maandig, also a musician and his longtime squeeze, got married in a ceremony Saturday.

Maandig announced news of their engagement on her website in May.

The groom's bandmate, Danny Lohner, broke news of the newlyweds' nuptials on Twitter, writing "Goths the world over will mourn this day. Off to a wedding."

Hours later, the rocker and the West Indian Girl singer made it official. Lohner later posted a pic of the newlyweds dancing with the nice caption "Congrats!"

Mariqueen Maandig is now Mrs. Trent Reznor!

Celebrity photographer Robert Evans, who shot Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding, as well as that of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, did the honors.

Congrats to Trent and his Mariqueen.

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Lindsay Lohan Gets Plastered Before, After Court

Sometimes a court date really puts a damper on your party schedule - but not for long. Or at all. These things happen when you're Lindsay Lohan.

Not only was the "actress" out at Voyeur until 1:30 a.m. the night before her court date, which she was late for, but she hit the town after it, too.

Hey, why let a hearing in which you have to report on the status of your probation after being arrested for DUI come between you and alcoholism?

Her club destination of choice Saturday was Teddy's, a regular spot for Lindsay Lohan debauchery. Apparently she looked like an absolute wreck.

"Her hair was greasy and not brushed, she wasn't wearing makeup, she was smoking cigarettes inside the club every 5-10 minutes," a witness said.

That wasn't the only notable moment of the night, either.

DOWNWARD SPIRAL: Lindsay Lohan is running out of time with us.

At closing time, a waitress went over to her table to pick up the drinks, at which point Hohan said she "not leaving yet" and would "finish her drink when she was ready."

The manager of the club went over to try to intervene, Lohan lashed out again, then "sucked down the remainder of her drink as fast as she could and left immediately."

Always a class act, this one. Isn't she supposed to be clean?

No wonder people close to her say she has hit rock bottom and is an obituary waiting to happen. It's sad when Michael Lohan calls you a sad, hollow and empty person.

Meanwhile, also at the club was a baseball cap-wearing Leonardo DiCaprio. The actor was spotted on the dance floor with Melrose Place hottie Katie Cassidy. HOT!

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Kim Kardashian: Kompletely Kompatible with Reggie Bush

Yesterday, Reggie Bush and his Saints remained undefeated by blasting the Giants 48-27 in New Orleans.

But that wasn't the best part of this running back's day: he got to go home and make sweet love to Kim Kardashian.

Indeed, the couple has officially reconciled after a few weeks apart, a development that Kim says strengthened the pair's bond.

"We just made the decision that we want to make it work, and the time off was really beneficial for the both of us," Kardashian told People before the weekend. "I think sometimes people need to take a break just to take time off to see how much they need each other and how much they really are compatible.

"It's just about making a commitment. With our schedules it was really tough."

With Bush on a Super Bowl contender, though, Kardashian has made the sacrifice: no more bikini shoots getting in the way of true love!

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Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Holla: We Got Pre-Nup, Yeah!

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian got married last month, in a beautiful ceremony that wasn't at all paid for by E! and staged for a reality show.

Making the event even more romantic was the rumor that it wasn't legally binding because the two sides were still hashing out the details of a pre-nuptial agreement.

Now, however, the totally smitten couple can sign on the dotted line of a marriage contract: TMZ reports a pre-nup has been worked out.

The site states the couple has orally (hehe, orally!) agreed to a deal. Odom's new $33 million contract is off the table, as he'll be able to claim all his assets as his own.

But the Lakers star will fund a joint account for the pair, and will provide Khloe with a static annual sum throughout the marriage; yes, this is essentially an allowance for his wife.

Odom will also purchase a house for the couple. The desperate pleas for attention and contrived photo ops for the pair? Khloe is in charge of those.

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Dina Lohan to Michael Lohan: STFU About Lindsay

Hello? Pot? Oh, hey! This is Kettle. Just wanted to let you know you're black.

This is basically what Dina Lohan, very likely the worst mother in human history, is saying in her recent message for her ex Michael about his recent interviews.

Michael has said that their troubled daughter Lindsay is abusing prescription pills and is a shell of a person. Dina says Mike should zip it and focus on himself.

Using a celebrity gossip mag as her personal voicemail, Dina lashed back at People Michael: "Michael Lohan needs to focus on paying child support, of which he is six months behind, and making up for all the years he was an absentee dad."

Moreover, the miserable excuse for a human being and parent says her counterpart "needs to stop going national television talking about his children publicly."

Right, because that's not what Dina's entire life is based on.

On Saturday, Michael told celebrity photo agency X17 that he is angling for a Britney Spears-style arrangement in which he can administer Lindsay's affairs.

What a mess. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"I'm going to see the judge this week... If I can't get a conservatorship, then I'm going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight. But I know I'm gonna get charged [with] kidnapping," the absolute moron said.

During a taping of The Maury Povich Show last week, Michael looked into the camera and relayed this message to Lindsay: "I’m gonna do anything, everything I have to save your life, whether mom likes it, the public likes it, or anyone."

In response to Dina's comment, Michael tells People: "She says I'm not focusing on being a good parent, but is [Dina] focusing on being a good parent?"

You tell her, Mike.

Insisting he is only going public for the sake of Lindsay, he says, "Look, I know sometimes I've said things I shouldnt have, but I have to help my child."

Good luck with that. Lindsay, who got plastered twice over the weekend, plans to turn to the courts and seek a restraining order against her father.

"Lindsay is actively getting a restraining order, her lawyer have already been contacted," says a Lindsay source. "She's scared. This is really serious."

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Holy Halle Berry!

We apologize to Megan Fox, Marisa Miller and whatever other beauties people wish to bring up.

But the debate about the sexiest woman alive is over. It's finished. It's more obvious than the phoniness of the balloon boy hoax.

Halle Berry has earned the honor. Her years of hard work, solid acting and absolute hotness are unparalleled in the annals of female homosapiens.

Just look at the photo of Berry below. This comes after giving birth, mind you. Can anyone really debate that you're looking at the best looking woman alive?

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Miley Cyrus: Sex and the City Sequel Role, Dress Confirmed!

As Liam Hemsworth likely knows, Miley Cyrus knows a thing or two about sex.

Soon, movie fans will find this out for themselves.

Following various reports and rumors, it's now been confirmed that the Disney icon will make a cameo in the Sex and the City sequel.

She won't speak (thank goodness), but the singer will appear on the red carpet of an event... wearing the same dress as Samantha Jones, much to the chagrin of the latter character!

Cyrus actually modeled the dress in question for reporters this week. This is what you'll see her donning on screen:

In response to the role, Miley Tweeted... nothing.

Sex and the City 2 comes out in May 2010. Will you be more likely to see if with Cyrus on board?

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