Hot Guy Friday: Dongspotting

Posted on June 24, 2011 by Kaiser

Ewan McGregor. Ewan has a new movie out called Beginners, but that’s not the reason I chose him as our headliner this week. I chose him because I was overcome by lust just looking through one page of photos of him. He’s just… lovely. He has that rare combination of having both a beautiful AND an interesting face. He’s so expressive and I feel both lustful and amused when looking at him. Plus, he just seems like a sweet guy. He’s the kind of dude who brings his grandmother to the Scottish Film Festival… and holds her hand the entire time. He’s the kind of dude who takes off his kit “for the sisters”. Now, he may or may not have been having some kind of illicit affair with Melanie Laurent. I believe he and Melanie boned - but I also think he and his wife have an open marriage. Which means that all of us may have a chance…?

David Gandy. I threatened to make Gandy the headliner this week, but when it came time to actually do it, I backed down. Gandy isn’t as beloved around here as he is in my pants. When you look at him, you tend to think “Pretty, probably gay.” I think, “Pretty, not my type, but HOT DAMN.” There’s something about him… I’m even getting over this whole “boning a dumb famewhore girl-bander who gives interviews about him after only dating him for a few weeks” thing.

Matt Bomer. BOMER!!! He’s America’s David Gandy, only somehow prettier and fancier. I love him, even though I’m pretty sure he would only go for me if I had a dong. Still, I enjoy looking at him. White Collar is back on, and this season is pretty good already. I like “the hook” so far - I was so tired of the whole “mourning the dead girlfriend, who turns out was just playing him” storyline last season. But I always giggle at all of the completely gratuitous shirtlessness from Bomer on the show. Like, he just walks around shirtless and completely waxed, flexing as he answers the door. It’s ridiculous.

Daniel Henney. Daniel is Korean, and he’s very pretty. In the black and white photos, he borders on “too beautiful” for my taste - I don’t like my men exotic and delicate-featured, but that’s just my taste. There’s one recent photo of him - with the short hair, looking like he gained some weight in his face - that I really like. I’m attracted to him when he looks less like a lithe, androgynous model and more like a dude.

Sean Bean. Oh, Sean. He came in as a request on Twitter, but he’s made HGF before, to mixed results. The LOTR people love him, as do some of BBC-fanatics who love his work in British television. For me, I’ve just seen him in a handful of movies, and I think he’s The Sex. I’m not saying he’s a good guy or anything, he just seems hardcore, rather rough-and-tumble, in every sense. I like that quality in a man. Enjoy.

Joel Kinnaman. Joel is my boyfriend, you may remember, although since The Killing’s Season One finale, my love/lust for Joel has waned. He’s a tremendous actor, but he’s on a show with a nut job narcissist show runner and producers and writers who need to take their heads out of their asses. So… while I still love Joel, here’s hoping that The Killing is merely his launching pad to bigger, better and more well-written things.

Rob Lowe (by CB): Rob comes in by request, which makes me wonder what took us so long. This man is 47 years old, and he obviously takes very good care of himself. He’s been married for 20 years, has two kids and has somehow kept his boyishly good looks without looking plucked or pulled. Throughout it all he’s maintained 20 years of sobriety and a good degree of humor about fame and scandals. He seems like a kinky bastard too, doesn’t he?

Ferran Calderon (By CB): Ferran is a Spanish model and he came in as a request. He’s absolutely breathtaking, but a little skinny for my taste. I would gladly spend a month or two with him lazing around on a Spanish isle, scheduling our days around cooking, eating and pausing for sex. Spanish men are so charming in my sadly limited experience. I’ve only been to Barcelona once, and dated one Spanish guy in college but he was just the sweetest guy and so romantic.

Ian Somerhalder (By CB): We’ve enthusiastically done Ian before, and he comes in as another request. He used to be my second favorite on Vampire Dairies after Paul Wesley, but now I’m more into Ian. (The show got too ridiculously complicated for me this season though and I haven’t seen the last few episodes.) He’s a talented actor and there’s something so over the top sexy about the way he plays deviant Damon, like he’s campy and he knows it. Ian is dating his co-star Nina Dobrev and they recently went public with their relationship. They look so loved up and it’s kind of heart warming.

Denzel Washington (By CB): Denzel is getting up in years, but he still has it doesn’t he? He’s the commanding presence, the vigilante with a purpose, the man in power who can seduce you with a quick look. He plays guys who don’t take sh*t and know exactly what they want, and that’s how I imagine he is every day. His deep voice does it for me every time.

Mark Consuelos (by Bedhead) Okay, so he’s “soap opera” hot, but I think Mr. Kelly Ripa is pretty damn fine and so suavely swoonworthy. It’s something about that brilliantly white smile, methinks. Also, Mark’s in the running to replace Regis Philbin; if that happens, then we’ll be able to drool over him during our morning coffee every day.

Rufus Sewell (by Bedhead) Ah, I do love a strapping Englishman just about any day of the week, and Rufus is a very intense one at that. In particular, I really loved his performance in Dark City opposite Jennifer Connelly, whose character completely forgot that she was married to him. Crazy sceenwriters — that could never happen!

Samuel L. Jackson (by Bedhead) This crazy motherf&@#cker has such personality and a great career to boot, but I’m pretty sure he’d also be a great drinking buddy too. Just think of all of themotherf&@#ing stories he could tell…

Matt LeBlanc (by Bedhead) I know that LeBlanc isn’t really Joey Tribbiani, but since that was always my favorite “Friends” character, I can’t help but think of him that way and want him to walk up to me with a sly, “How YOU doin’?” Plus, he’s turned into quite the silver fox these days.

Spike Jonze (by Bedhead) While this guy’s not classically handsome in any sense of the word, there’s just something rather endearing (albeit a bit too hipster) about him. He makes pretty good movies, and those dimples are a hell of a lot nicer than Kellan Lutz’s dimples! Less creepy too.

Gabriel Aubry (By CB): Aubry lost some major points for dating Kim Kardashian, but I suppose that could also be interpreted as meaning he’s that much more accessible for the rest of us. This guy is so pretty he turns heads and fuels countless fantasies just walking down the street.